In the Alley

I hear that sound,
and I look around,
I have spent such days,
in the woods, in the alley,
when nobody would wander around,
and the place would be at peace and calm.
I close my eyes,
I smell crisis,
I see freedom,
long lost in those woods,
down the alley.
With my want to live it,
I stretch my hand,
only to find that
I am now a free soul,
that I can wander around,
and look around,
and do what I want to.
But, lifeless I lay,
on that bed, in the alley.

The path

The path is still unknown, the roads, all traveled,
The urge to outshine burning deep down,
The small accolades on my way, making me rise,
But, I am still on the ground to fly high like never before …
Creating memories, with every passing moment,
With friends, with colleagues, with time itself, with my life to be precise,
The destination echoing my name from way beyond than expected,
I am merely looking for clues and picking them up taking my own sweet time,
I know, I’ll reach there…
Even though the path is unknown,
I’ll make sure to follow that voice which is calling me,
And follow my heart and my destiny,
For I know, in the end I’ll get it all,
All my luck, my life and my love will be in the same path.

Lost are those days

Lost are those days when my smile just meant smile,

It has been time when people have started interpreting this smile,

For a reason or no reason at all,

There are meanings to this smile now, which I still don’t understand!

Lost are those days when I used to love walking aimlessly…

It has been time when people have started staring at me walking like that,

For a reason or no reason at all,

There is a meaning to the style I walk in, which I am trying to understand!

Lost are those days when friends were just friends,

It has been time since people have started meaning different,

For a reason or no reason at all,

At times in the face of a friend, you find many other relations which I am learning.

Lost are those days when life was just about living…

It has been time since people have started adding to the motive of living,

For a reason or no reason at all,

I've just started realizing that this life I am living is not as easy as I thought,

Smile, goal, friends, life …

It’s been time since the meaning to all these have changed in their own way,

For a reason or no reason at all,

I feel blessed to have been living and experiencing these changes!

Shades of Life - 02

Brining a smile to your lips,

A vivid picture of the time you’ve already lived,

At times brining tears to your eyes,

Wanting to have lived it all again…

These are mere memories,

Making me nostalgic, happy to have lived a time,

But still reasoning myself for the end...

But this is how life goes and how we learn to live

Growing with time, letting go what is suppose to,

Memories, mere memories and nothing more

I am left with…!!!

Shades of life - 01

It’s hard to take out time and sit and write. At times, I just find it boring, totally contrary to my otherwise happening life where I go out, shop, watch movies, roam around, eat, dance and do what not. But then when I actually sit and write, I realize the immense pleasure that I get from it, those subtle moments when I am with myself and those imaginary characters of mine. We, at times talk for hours and yet end up with nothing so fruitful. But then, this is fun in its own sense.

Tears of Joy!!!

If it was a dream, I wish to sleep forever and live it again and again. If it was real, I wish it to happen to me all over again.

I can still remember the time when I actually compiled my very first novel after working on it day and night for about 8 days in a row. As I go back and dig my drafts of my mail-box, I can see one of the very earliest drafts saved on the name of “novel-rough draft” dated 23^rd march, 2011. One year from then, I fought with myself, changed my mood almost daily... forget daily, every moment arguing with myself to either continue or not to continue with the novel. But, ultimately, in the end, even after one complete year, after endless fights with my inner soul, I had something ready with me which could be read by somebody and called like a very short novel- just some 37 thousand words long.

Not knowing what to do further, I thought to give it a try by sending it to publishers across the country. Slowly, I started receiving their replies... at times no replies. I was worried for some time, wondering if my skills were good enough to be published and presented in the market?!!

I used to give up... every third day, I would sit silently analyzing myself, analyzing what I want out of what I am doing. I would wonder if putting in efforts in what I write is worth enough. I wondered if ever I’ll go further in this field or not. I wondered if ever I’ll be able to make it big or not.

Months passed by... I started losing hope yet again. I would not touch my pen and diary or even my laptop and open the word document to write down anything for weeks. But then, there was something with me and my writing that I couldn’t resist. Somehow, after a few days, writing used to drag me to itself. It is captivating in that sense, sort of hypnotises me and I used to sit down again and think as a writer and write down something or the other. This continued for a while, until one day I thought to decide what I want out of all this?

I asked myself, if ever I’ll be able to live without writing? And the prompt answer that my inner-self shot on me was a “NO! NEVER!” For I know that I express well when I write. Thinking I’ll be able to give a halt to such desires, I enrolled myself to a distance-learning creative writing course. The day my course material arrived home, I was crazy... I was almost dancing like crazy. I started reading all the stuff they provided but soon I realized this is not the end to my desire as well. I want something more and yet again, I began writing. There was a day during that time that I realized, I confirmed to myself that whatever life may bring before me, I’ll never quit writing... I’ll write for all my life.

This time, with strong determination, I again started reaching to various publishers. I made calls to them and asked about their procedures, wondering if somehow I can get a start. I started struggling for my dreams yet again. Dreams of not fame, but dreams of being with writing always! I used to lose hope, facing the rejections from the publishing houses I used to ponder if I really have a fault... but all this while, in these last two years, writing has made me learn something very important.

Patience is one of them. Having lost hope and then motivating myself all over again to rise like a shining star, writing has always been by my side, supporting me and has helped me understand that someday or the other, all your efforts pay.

It was just a week ago when I received a mail from a publishing house out of miracle and the publisher asked me to improve on my word count. I sat with my novel yet again, day and night, while sleeping and eating time, for I wanted to reach my goal and this somehow seemed to be the knock of opportunity I’ve been waiting for.

And it was just yesterday, when I finally compiled my full document I’ve been working upon all over again. This time it was near to 55 thousand words, a complete novelette and the first expression, the first gesture that my mind and heart both, gave out of sheer excitement and a stupendous satisfaction were tears in my eyes. These were not tears of pain, but tears of joy. I didn’t had anybody around me to whom I could have sung, it was just me and my writing that lay before my eyes and my eyes out of happiness and appreciation expressed what my heart and mind had to say. I was happy. I was... I am happy and I am satisfied.

Tears of joy, I never knew they were so amazing to be felt. This is indeed the first time when I had such a feeling. I guess I am still falling short of words to describe my actual situation. I am just happy that during the course of my life I’ve discovered something that solely belongs to me, that’ll always remain with me and something which will love me back exactly the same way as much as I’ll love it. 

Feel to Escape

All of a sudden I feel to escape,

Out of the world, to an absolute new place

I want silence in my ears,

The people near are not clear.

I want a clear vision of the things around,

The reason I left from that party ground.

I want a feeling of being with me,

The reason I want to leave everybody and go,

Escape to solitude, escape to my world

Where I can listen to my inner self,

Where I can discover myself,

Where I can answer all my worries

All of a sudden I feel to escape,

Out of the world, to an absolute new place!!!